LOL So yeah, I haven't posted here in ages! I've taken on probably more projects than I should, and this was what got dropped. Oops! Not intentionally, I just kept never finding the time to post! Part of the problem is that, as I'm sure many others out there have found, all this social distancing and working from home makes you think you have all this spare time! So you take on more projects, then realize you've over-committed, but also that you don't want to drop any of them because they're all so cool LOL! So, between that and the logistical complications that social distancing adds to every-day life, yeah, I've dropped a few balls here and there.

The really exciting news, though, is that I got my dissertation proposal done and submitted! So now, if my committee go for it, I'll effectively be doing my Ph.D. thesis on Phantom!! And I cannot tell you how gleeful that makes me. I haven't got final approval for it, though, so we'll have to see! I've heard back from one member of my committee, and she seemed pretty positive about it although with some minor comments. But I still haven't heard feedback from my supervisor or the third member of the committee. So keeping my fingers crossed!! LOL And needless to say, nervous!!

The other thing, of course, is that I've been trying to figure out wtf to do with the Spirit And Voice project I started here back in the spring. Because, that ball has totally gotten dropped and I know it! And yet I don't want to drop that project. Because, exploring and sharing Phantom as a NeoPagan path is very important to me! But I've been having major trouble finding time to write and post the kind of stuff I did earlier on top of everything else. Plus, although I love the posting format here because it's so user-friendly and accessible, I find it hard to publicize work from here. Because, Dreamwidth doesn't seem to have the ability to easily cross-post to Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, etc.

Recently, though, I've started getting into zining on the inspiration of a writer whose work I really love and has honestly changed my life! Although, I'm still figuring out the form, as it's an idiom I've felt kind of excluded from before finding her work. Because, I've always understood zines as a somewhat hyper-visual form, and of course I'm a Braille reader/screen-reader user! But this writer makes their zines super-accessible, which is awesome! And that's made me feel more welcome in the form. So I've started one zine of my own already. It's called Creature Of Darkness, and it's first issue is almost ready to launch I think! It explores/will explore how Phanship has been my way of working through and transforming trauma into power, and how that's shaped my spirituality and politics.

And then it occurred to me, why not do Spirit And Voice as a zine, too? And paradoxically, I think that'll make the workload balance easier. Because, for that, I can write shorter pieces/pieces of varying lengths as the ideas strike, and then later assemble the good ones into issues. Plus, I can take hard-copies of it and my other zine to events like Pagan Pride! Uh, whenever they resume in person that is. Although, I'm going to start it as an e-zine just like my other one. Because, since e-text is what's most accessible to me, that's how I primarily think of them. But thanks to Lulu Press, print copies will ultimately be a thing, too! So keep an eye/ear out for that in the nearish future. I don't know how soon it'll get up and going, though, as the school year is about to start which will make things get busy again.

And it won't duplicate Creature Of Darkness, either. Because, although Spirit And Voice likely will draw on my own experience, that's not it's primary focus. Rather, it's focus is on exploring and developing a path and practice - so rituals, theological reflection, meditations, connections between Phantom spirituality and politics, etc. Whereas, Creature Of Darkness is much more autoethnographic.

So that's what's up! And the nice thing is that shifting Spirit And Voice to a zine will allow me to leave this blog for just regular, personal life stuff. And that feels better! It feels more organic and manageable that way.

So I haven't posted around here since before Christmas! Yikes!! But life got really busy, mostly because I fell behind on basically everything, so things kind of went dormant here while I endeavoured to get caught up. Which, thankfully, has been mostly successful!

But then I began thinking about starting yet another blog for a new project. But that struck me as dumb when I already have this one barely started! So I thought why don't I just repurpose it? Besides, as I mentioned in an earlier post, I really love the format here! It's so accessible and easy to use!! So here goes.

As well as sharing just regular life stuff, I want to use this space to share my explorations and endeavours in practicing a NeoPagan path based on the story of The Phantom Of The Opera, especially as embodied in the Andrew Lloyd Webber stage-musical (as originally staged and designed by Hal Prince, Maria Bjornson and Gillian Lynn). The Phantom has been a powerful presence in my life since I was ten, when I first fell completely in love with the story through the musical. And I have long done various devotional practices as a Phan - copious listening to and singing the music, having some piece of Phantom memorabilia (shirts, jewelry, the soundtrack) on my person whenever possible, and of course, seeing the show live whenever possible!

In addition, The Phantom and his story have played a powerful role in shaping my Disabled identity and my sense of gender (I have come to identify as gender-fluid). Moreover, because The Phantom’s story is one about the terrible psychic/psychological, mental, emotional and spiritual effects of injustice and the power of justice-based transformation, it has also played a profound role in shaping my politics and my activism. And because of those two elements, The Phantom and his story have been and remain foundational to my spiritual orientation as well.

In spite of all of the above, though, it’s taken me a long time to “come out”, as it were, as practicing a Phantom-based spiritual path! For a long time, I didn’t take myself seriously. There are a lot of reasons for that that I’ll likely post about here. Suffice it for now, though, to say that, since Phantom didn’t seem to fit any of the models or modes of Pagan practice I knew of (i.e. reclaiming pre-Christian traditions, Earth-based spirituality, Women’s spirituality, Wicca), I had a lot of imposter syndrome around conceiving of my Phanship as a “real” spiritual/magical practice. I’m trying to learn to ditch that, though, which is part of the impetus behind this blog, too! Well, that, and I hope what I share here will be useful to others struggling with the same things, whether your path is Phantom or otherwise. Plus, of course, I hope, in sharing my own explorations here, to connect with other Phans seeking the same kind of path/practice!

ON that note, I should say that I actually identify as ChristoPagan. That is, my actual spiritual practices are a syncretism of my Phantom-based Pagan stuff and Left/liberation Christian practice and myth/cosmology. The two converge and overlap very organically for me around themes of social and environmental justice, radical compassion, and the transformative power of love both human and Divine. But that’s just what works for me! A Phantom-based NeoPagan/magical practice can, of course, be a person’s sole path, or be hybridized/syncretized with any other tradition with which it shares those or other themes! So I hope I’ll succeed in presenting the Phantom-based Pagan stuff here in as accessible and inclusive a way as possible. Though, I probably will share some Christian/Christian-adjacent/Christian syncretism stuff here as well. I hope that’s cool!!

By the way. My ideas of a Phantom-based Pagan spirituality certainly need not be the only ones out there! Though, admittedly, they’re the only ones I’ve seen in a very long time. So I call the particular path I’m developing Spirit and Voice, after a line in my favourite song from the Lloyd Webber musical, in order to distinguish it from other possible approaches. I’ll say more about why I chose that name in particular in future posts!

In fact, I considered renaming this journal Spirit and Voice. But A, I couldn’t figure out how to do that or if DW would let me, and B, I ended up deciding against it. So watch the tags instead! Because, I’ll include the tag “Spirit and Voice” on any posts on this project, so hopefully you’ll be able to click on that and find them all grouped together. I hope so anyway!

Anyway, here’s to an exciting adventure! Blessed be, and I’ll post again soon I hope!

So we got Mom's yesterday. She and I actually live together because Toronto rental rates are insane, so that's all either of us could afford. But the place isn't really big enough to have a living-room/family room to Mom's chagrin. But thankfully the "living-room" and the one bedroom are equal sized! LOL So she gets the "living-room" as her space, and I have the bedroom as mine. It's actually quite a nice, decent place even if there isn't enough footage for us to have a common family space! And God knows many folks in this city have way worse. Which is obscene over Christmas/the holidays!! Actually it's obscene any time. But especially this time of year!!

Anyway, so yeah, we got Mom's tree yesterday. And that was originally going to be the tree for the house, but then I decided I wanted to get a tree for my room/space, too. And bless Mom for not being offended! :-) So we're going to pop down to CanadianTire and get mine today.

The reason I didn't get mine at the same time as Mom got hers was that I decided I want to get an artificial tree if I can afford it. I used to have one that I got second hand from some one, LOL but it eventually got very bedraggled and rather rusty (it's frame was metal), so we eventually had to dispense with it. So I want to get a new one if I can! First of all, I think that'd be easier for me to handle every year than real trees, love real trees though I do. :-) But also, for decades, I've wanted to get an artificial Christmas tree and spray-paint it black!! LOL I know that might seem a tad weird. But I saw it done decades ago in the shop of a couple of awesome fellow Phantom Phans, who, you guessed it, had theirs decorated with Phantom stuff. Which was so awesome!!! So I've wanted to do that myself ever since, but have never quite gotten up my nerve/gotten my shit together LOL. But this year I decided I want to give it a try!! LOL Decorated my tree Phantom-themed won't be a problem. I'm just a bit nervous about the spray-painting part, as neither Mom nor I've ever done that before! LOL So we'll have to see how that goes. Here's hoping! :-)

But of course, it also depends on if I can actually afford an artificial tree, even a small one. I don't need a huge one. But even so, I've heard they can be a bit pricy! LOL And I've still got a bunch of relatives to get presents for, not to mention that I just bought those tickets for the Phantom concert in January and I still need to get my bus/train/MegaBus/whatever tickets out to Montreal and back. LOL So any further self-splurging is going to be kind of restricted till all that gets done! So we'll have to see if I can get it within a decent budget. Keeping fingers crossed!

And of course, if this works LOL, I'll endeavour to post pictures once it's all up and decorated!! :-)

LOL So I was waxing nostalgic for the old days of Live Journal because, back in the day, it was the most accessible blogging platform around. Indeed, for my money, the old LJ format still is! Plus, I wanted a place for my personal stuff separate from my work. Well, somewhat separate anyway. And I love the fact that DreamWidth has the old LJ format that makes it so easy to post LOL without all the crap LJ's come to have! But yeah, if things look pretty plain and unsnazzy around here for a while, it's because it's going to take me some time to figure out all the bells and whistles. And it'll probably require some sighted help to get a good theme and lay-out all set up. LOL And of course, this has to take a way back-burner to all my work! Indeed, I'd been debating for a while whether to take on yet another online presence LOL. But a chat with a bunch of friendlies from church this past Sunday finally convinced me! :-)

Anyway, really hope I can find here some of the Phantom folks that used to be on LJ. That'd be awesome!! In fact, I had originally hoped to import my old LJ account. LOL But I couldn't get it to work. I think I lost the password somewhere along the way. I thought I remembered it, LOL but apparently not! So starting from scratch instead. Hope to connect with lots of people!

P.S. For the record, I really hate the way my screen-reader pronounces my account name when it's spelled without capitals (thephantomscholar). Arg!!